How living your childhood fantasy is sabotaging your adult self
How often do you find yourself daydreaming or procrastinating to escape your daily life? Or feeling like you don't have the power to change your current situation. Rather than digging deep, you fall into wising other people would change instead?
I do. Sometimes I go through phases where I fall into these thought patterns more often than I'd like to admit.
While the behaviours aren't necessarily problematic, they are signs of beliefs or behavioural patterns that are defining you and how you live your life. It's when you get down on yourself for daydreaming and not doing the things you know you want to do, deep down, or achieving to your truest potential that living in that fantasy world and giving away your power, becomes problematic.
As Dr. Nicole LePera, The Holistic Psychologist, explains in the video below - you could be living in your childhood fantasy and carrying out tendencies, or recreating scenarios, that feed into old emotional wounds and unmet emotional needs.
When I find myself exhausted, frustrated, stressed, or even in a rut and unsure of what to do or how to get to where I am going faster, on an easier route, I know I seek out a 'quick fix' or drum up a bit of validation and praise for how far I've come - even though I know it is going to do little to ease my racing mind or give me any clarity in the long term. But in that moment, the sense of security and surety feels grounding, it settles me and gives me a sense of power and 'being in control'.
The short term high, or mental 'win', always feels good - but eventually the high gives way, and the emotions, pain and negative thoughts surface, and I feel even more powerless or more out of control than ever before.
Recognising these behaviours (and knowing they are normal) is the first step in letting go of the fantasies and healing the patterns that aren't serving you in the long term. Along with asking 'why'. Why do I feel this way? Why did this get to me? Why am I acting/doing/thinking this way?
My 'why' - more of often than not - is that I spent a huge chunk of my teenage years giving away my power and self-sacrificing/playing the martyr in situations where I didn't need to. I held myself back, deliberately didn't take opportunities and lessened what I was worth. I told myself I was doing it for others. Other people were more deserving, wanted it more, that it was good to let other people 'have a go'. Or if I do the crappy, bottom rung jobs/tasks that other people don't want to do it is less of an inconvenience for them. In reality, absolutely no one expected me to do the shitty jobs, No one asked me not to take opportunities or stopped me from trying, achieving, 'having it all'. Only I did. And even though I liked watching other people succeed, I hated myself for missing out.
Breaking free of the behavioural patterns that tell me to stop, to lessen myself or stay back, has taken at least three years of conscious effort to identify and remap. When I find myself procrastinating and wishing away the days - letting my power slip away as the victim or poor decisions or unlucky circumstances, rather than taking ACTION and being the CHANGE I need in my life - I ask myself 'why?'. I acknowledge the fear, the triggers and the reasons, tell myself it is OK to feel that way- then make a plan to work through it, with careful and thoughtful actions that will make me feel good and bring long term results. It's not always easy - but it is 100% worth it. Every time.
Please check out Dr. Nicole LePera's YouTube channel, especially her video below, for some incredible insights ❤️